Patchouli: You’ve Doused Yourself in Oil … And Still Smell Like You Haven’t Showered.

The lineup for Coachella was just released, you’re working on locking in a few dreads and you really didn’t have time to shower between rolling out of bed, lighting an incense coil, and seriously offending the girl behind you in line at your nearby favorite coffee store.

There is still absolutely no excuse to wear patchouli oil.

I don’t care if it’s been around for a while, if it’s totally chemical free, or if your hippie uncle used it to pick up chicks along Highway 1 (he’s lying). The “natural wood” you smell like is not going to mask your body odor, it’s not going to prevent you from getting cancer and it’s definitely not going to score you any girl or guy on this side of the bead curtain.

So shower with a real soap, jump in your neighborhood pool once in a while, fuck, crush flowers on your pressure points for all I care. Patchouli oil should die as fast the hard on you got while checking out the latest in hemp-based shoes.