Maricopa County Mugshots of the Week: A Better Alternative

At the end of the week, we bring you a roundup of visitors to the desert’s own Fourth Avenue Jail. To be considered for our Maricopa County mugshots of the week, get arrested, strike a pose, and we’ll take care of the rest.

This week, we suggest better alternatives for our alleged offenders. Enjoy.

13.)

Charges: Burglary, transportation theft, dangerous-drug possession, possession of burglary tools, theft, possession of drug paraphernalia
Last week, we made fun of a guy for a tattoo that said “AVONDALE,” as we figured it would be the crappiest town in Arizona tattooed into someone’s skin. We were incorrect, and regret the error.

12.)

Charges: Fraud, dangerous-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
Didn’t Age Very Well Barbie™

11.)

Charges: Probation violation
Still better than Michael Beasley.

10.)

Charges: Driving on a suspended license, failure to appear
Yep, that’s the ideal place for the state flag right there.

9.)

Charges: Dangerous-drug possession, marijuana possession
(Especially not this one.)

8.)

Charges: Dangerous-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia, failure to pay a fine
Parents, show this one to your kids while delivering your “don’t do drugs message” before bedtime.

7.)

Charges: Criminal trespassing
C’mon guys, you can’t just dangle a steak in front of him like that.

6.)

Charges: Criminal damage, disorderly conduct
Here’s a guy who looks like he’s been holding his breath for a minimum of 20 minutes.

5.)

Charges: Shoplifting
Natural blonde?

4.)

Charges: Criminal damage, disorderly conduct
Now there’s a guy who could chuck some wood.

3.)

Charges: Possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of prescription drugs
Your, um, member is showing.

2.)

Charges: Misconduct involving weapons
Do you think this guy knows “void” is a synonym for “worthless”?

1.)

Charges: Aggravated DUI
Just like Cadillac’s parent company, General Motors, it looks like this guy is going to need a bail-out. (GOT ‘EM!)