Don’t ask why Jett flaked on me this week. Something about a free eightball and a three-way in Ahwatukee. Not that I blame her. I mean, the last three-way I was invited to involved me, myself and I, all buck nekkid in the hot tub. Talk about a tight fit!…
The Kyl File Slim pickings: I’m a longtime Republican voter, and I thought your profile of Jon Kyl was first-rate (“Stealth Zealot,” Robert Nelson, April 13). You could have taken a lot of cheap shots at the “other” senator from Arizona, but you didn’t. You only gave him the negative…
The majestic red rock sculptures and rare desert vistas of Papago Park are in the gun sights of some of the most powerful real estate interests in the Southwest. Led by Phoenix attorney Grady Gammage Jr., the intellectual architect of Arizona’s rapacious development industry that’s systematically tarnishing the Sonoran Desert,…
The Bird observed all kinds of weirdness when it attended the massive march for immigration reform on Grand Avenue: white guys (from the news media) peeing in alleyways; illegal aliens (who’re normally treated like vermin by Americans) waving U.S. flags; Mayor Phil Gordon. But the strangest thing The Bird saw…
Is this the best the Democrats can do? The question kept rolling through my mind in the days after Tempe political kingpin Harry Mitchell declared his candidacy for Congress. Mitchell is challenging the sharply listing, Jack Abramoff-stained Republican J.D. Hayworth for the 5th Congressional District seat in November. The race…
Hellfire Giligin’s vile: I’ve always loved Inferno, but the one on the wise-ass Chuey and his “fear factor” shenanigans (“Mouthful of Midget,” Stephen Lemons, April 13) is great! I’m heading over to Giligin’s for the Wednesday night craziness as soon as I can. I loved the opener to your column…
Joe Baker has been a painter for decades, but the canvas he works on today is bigger than most artists could ever dream of. As a curator at the Heard Museum, a job he’s held for nearly four years, Baker is charged with choosing the subject matter, and the pieces,…
Arizona has two U.S. senators: John McCain and that other guy. The other guy is a decent man, so decent that in his 11 years as a senator in Washington, D.C., he has often seemed constitutionally incapable of promoting himself in the manner common of national political figures such as…
The Bird cruised over the pro-migrant march along Grand Avenue, half expecting to see KFYI-AM 550 squawk-jock Brian James’ head on the prong of a long, sharp rake at the front of the crowd. The demonstration, which drew at least 100,000 people, was coordinated as part of a nationwide “day…
Published online April 11, 2006, 1:55 p.m. MST State and federal authorities and the Mormon polygamist sect headquartered along the Arizona-Utah border seem finally headed for a showdown. So far, there have been no reports of violence in the towns of Colorado City, Arizona, and Hildale, Utah, but tensions are…
Chuey the Rock ‘n’ Roll Midget, a.k.a. “The Satanic Hispanic,” scrambles to the middle of the Wheel of Fortune-like board as fast as his little sawed-off legs will carry him and rips down an 8-by-10 pic of tonight’s “secret square,” missing-and-presumed-dead Alabama hottie Natalee Holloway. The four-foot-three, 180-pound horndog then…
Mexican Stand-Off An admirer of Mayor Phil’s: I’ve been reading The Bird lately, and I see that he seems to have some sort of sympathy for the illegal Mexican idiots who’ve been marching in Phoenix (“Single-File, Please!”, April 6. Also see “Go On, Just Shoot ‘Em”). I was at the…
For Margarita Parada, a 19-year-old from a village deep in Mexico, the adventure of a lifetime is about to start. It is April 11, 2005, and Margarita has stuffed a suitcase and her backpack with favorite clothes and personal mementos. Margarita is the second youngest of Maria and Pablo Parada’s…
After Diff’rent Strokes was canceled, The Bird gave up on sitcoms as a diversion. Fortunately, this squawker lives in Phoenix, where politicians provide almost endless yuks with their foolhardy antics, so who needs TV? The Bird’s new laugh riot came from none other than Mayor Phil Gordon, who announced his…
Carrie Stoudemire, the mother of sidelined Phoenix Suns star Amaré Stoudemire, narrowly avoided jail during a hastily called March 31 hearing before Maricopa County Superior Court Commissioner Aimee Anderson. Stoudemire had violated several conditions of her five-year probation on a 2003 felony DUI conviction. But rather than toss Stoudemire in…
“What the hell is Britpop, anyway, Kreme?” queries the Jettster as I ease the shaggin’ wagon into the lot next to Anderson’s Fifth Estate in Scottsdale, site of the monthly Britpop night Panic!, the reason for our appearance this eve. “Oh, you know, it’s all those ’90s bands from the…
Mother of a Problem Adding insult to injury: Good story on Amaré Stoudemire’s mother (“Amaré’s Burden,” John Dougherty, March 30)! No wonder Amaré isn’t mentally ready to come back to the Phoenix Suns and kick ass. Family problems like that can be debilitating. Even though he has his millions of…
Look Out Above Livestock and laughingstocks: I hadn’t picked up New Times much in several years until I grabbed one late last year and saw your column The Bird. At that time, I think The Bird was writing about Donald Trump’s wanting to build a high-rise at 24th and Camelback,…
By now, even the casual professional basketball fan knows that Amaré Stoudemire is making a very risky comeback from October 11 surgery on his left knee. Eight days after signing a $73-million, five-year contract extension, the Phoenix Suns superstar underwent the tricky “microfracture” procedure that has ended the careers of…
Good help’s hard to find, it seems, particularly at the Maricopa County Department of Public Health. Now, The Bird’s always considered “Public Health” an oxymoron, so this inquisitive quail’s eyebrow arched a few months ago when word began to spread that not all was right with Jacquelynn Meeks, the department’s…
A federal jury awarded $9 million to the family and estate of a 33-year-old man who died after Maricopa County detention officers improperly strapped him in a restraint chair inside a county jail. Mentally retarded and high on methamphetamine, Charles Agster III was forcibly placed in the chair inside the…
It used to be that when they talked about meth, they talked about cold medicine. Politicians from Arizona Attorney General Terry Goddard to State Representative Tom O’Halleran — a Sedona Republican and former cop — were convinced that if this state could only cut the supply of the ingredients used…
