The Fix Is In

Charity work isn’t supposed to be about fame and fortune — unless you’re Susan Heywood, czarina of the Scratch & Sniff Awards. Scratch & Sniff — the annual Academy Awards-esque dinner party held to raise money to help cats and dogs — is the pet project of Susan and her…

Revelations

Six months ago, I received an impassioned e-mail from a woman in south Chandler. She was responding to a column I had written a week earlier about Bishop Thomas O’Brien’s long history of coddling and secretly transferring priests who had molested children. In the e-mail, the woman told the story…

Drinking Buddies

Phoenix City Councilman Michael Johnson’s raucous nightclub on South Seventh Avenue quietly won an unusual reprieve last month from the state liquor board. An administrative law judge’s recommended one-year suspension of the club’s liquor license was overturned by a vote of the full board. A first-term councilman and retired Phoenix…

Mars Face-off

Hot Topic Fire alarm: I just finished reading your story on the Central Garden and Pet Supply fire (“Fire,” Robert Nelson, December 5). I just wanted to congratulate you on your investigation. Part of me feels like I should apologize for my own ignorance. I worked in that neighborhood and…

Nothin’ but a Hound Dog

Nothin’ but a Hound DogThe Spike was only 4 when the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll died on his toilet. But that didn’t stop the elementary school music teachers from making the class sing his songs in the spring chorale. The teacher said Elvis Presley was the King, so The…

Heart Failure

Two months ago, Mike Schatz thought his boss, Gary Carpaneto, was a pretty good guy. Carpaneto had generally been cordial for the three years Schatz was able to do the heavy work Carpaneto demanded of him. Carpaneto owns Bedrock Stone Company in Glendale, a landscaping company with 20 or so…

To Spite the Face

Under the surface of Mars lies an ancient, nuclear-powered city left by Martian citizens. At least, that’s what a group of space researchers think. And they’re trying to prove it by invoking a little-known remnant of President Clinton’s last days called the “Data Quality Act” that went into force in…

Marine Life

A Few Good Letters Ex communication: Job well done on your cover story (“Welcome Back, Warrior,” Paul Rubin, November 21). As a former Marine, I would like to take the opportunity to enlighten you on a couple things. Remember in the movie A Few Good Men, the line went something…

Fire

Eliza Ranger felt the poison before she smelled it. She was half-dozing while watching the evening news in her living room when her heart started racing and skipping beats. She figured she was having a heart attack. She looked to her kitchen and noticed black smoke seeping through her windowsills…

Appetite For Destruction

It’s Saturday night. The air reeks of transmission fluid, scorched steel and horse manure. A man jumps up and down on the roof of his car like a chimpanzee on a Samsonite. John Denver warbles “Sunshine on my shoulders . . . makes me hap-py” from tinny loudspeakers. Another man…

Coffee, Tea or Mead?

On a weekend trip to Walgreens, The Spike noticed scads of tinsel decorations littering the aisles, and candy overflowing corpulent wire bins adorned with an obese man in a red suit. Oh, goody, goody, gumdrop, it’s Christmas. The week before Thanksgiving, and it’s already here: Holiday-Palooza, the old Yuletide, baby…

Hard Ball

My son’s baseball coach, although a wonderful shortstop, is a remarkably bad pitcher. The 9- and 10-year-olds standing around him can throw more strikes. When Coach tries to reach 55 miles per hour, the standard for competitive 10-and-under teams, more balls bounce across the plate than fly. As we heckled…

Law and Disorder

Combat FatigueSoldier of misfortune: Please thank Paul Rubin for his in-depth comprehensive report on the heroic life and tragic death of Brian Callan (“Welcome Back, Warrior,” November 21). Good people like Brian continue to volunteer to serve in our military in spite of our shameful lack of post-military care. VA…

Welcome Back Warrior

Brian Callan marched into Bell Road Toyota shortly before noon on September 1 toting a 12-gauge shotgun. Unhappy over a lease deal he’d signed the day before, Callan pointed his weapon at sales manager Nathan Smith, and told him to hang up the phone or he’d shoot. He ordered Smith…

Life Interrupted

You’re wearing nothing but shorts and a shirt when police arrive at your door. The police cuff you in front of your children. You are hauled off to jail on 10 felony charges. You’re told you’ll spend a decade in prison. In jail, you are forced to stand nude while…

Arpaio, Artists and Assorted Grievances

Joe BlowsThe wrong arm of the law: I read, with amazing emotional control, Robert Nelson’s piece on Joe Arizona’s arrest (“Trick or Threat,” November 7). The only persons guilty of impersonating police officers are those thugs from the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office. What does David Hendershott tell his family when…

Have Gun, Won’t Travel

Sometimes, The Spike just wants to reach out and smack someone. In this case, that would be Southwest Airlines, which is being incredibly chickenshit in the way it’s handling an incident involving two paying customers. The two wronged parties are — make that were — bounty hunters. And it’s clear…

Diary of a Madman, Part 2

Last week I told you the story of how Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his chief deputy, David Hendershott, settled a political score by citing Joe Arizona for impersonating a highway patrol officer. Quick recap: Hendershott was at Tom’s Tavern at noon on Halloween. Joe Arizona, a.k.a. actor Nick Tarr, walks…

Where There’s Smoke…

Where There’s Smoke . . . Heart of grass: About a decade ago, a famous Republican operative, Lee Atwater, passed away from cancer. Atwater was known for his extremely hard-hitting, below-the-belt tactics (Willie Horton). To many he was a hated figure. He enjoyed tearing people down. But on his deathbed,…

America’s Ogre of Train Bombing

In a converted stand-alone garage in the backyard of a midtown Phoenix home, an artist saunters in to his 20-year retrospective exhibition. The exterior of the garage-cum-gallery is painted eclectically in hundreds of exploding colors by the artist — an eerily omniscient eyeball, a village of leaning buildings, three-dimensional arrows…

The Emerald Monstrocity

The Emerald MonstrocityThe first thing The Spike noticed upon sitting down at a corner table in the Emerald Lounge earlier this month was the woman in a tutu with crabs running down her legs. Next to her was a foam ass, dangling faux droppings at eye level. In its quest…

Trick or Threat

Like a serial killer, Joe Arpaio is getting cockier and dumber with each hit. This time, Arpaio cited Joe Arizona, the pitchman for Proposition 201, with a class 1 misdemeanor for impersonating a highway patrol officer at a downtown restaurant on Halloween. Arizona, whose real name is Nick Tarr, was…