“I WAS JUNE CLEAVER”

On a July morning in 1989, Dan Rivera tucked a .357 Magnum into the shoulder holster beneath his black silk double-breasted Giorgio Armani suit. He remembers every detail of that morning because it was the last time he saw his child. “I’ve got my piece, nothing can go wrong,” he…

WEIGHT A MINUTE!

Picture this happy scene: A pretty, smiling, fortysomething woman sheds 48 pounds in three months. “I was so overweight, my teenagers were embarrassed to be seen with me,” she says. Then her world turned around, thanks to the “Light-Years Ahead” weight-loss program at St. Joseph’s Hospital. “When my doctor told…

GOING GOO-GOOOVER VEGAS ME AND MY SON IN SIN CITY

My wife had to leave town for the weekend, and instead of sitting around the house saying “No!” over and over again to my nineteen-month-old son Mack, I decided to take him to Vegas. Since the late Eighties, Las Vegas–once known worldwide as Sin City–has been maneuvering to change its…

IN COLDEST BLOOD

The first thing you notice about James Styers as he walks into the courtroom is how pale and frightened he seems. He wears a dark, multicolored sweater over an open-throated white dress shirt. On his feet he wears white tennis shoes. Styers looks more like a college professor on his…

PHOTO FETISH

In a merciful world, no parent would be forced to view such horror. But in the flaming hellhole of reality, I had no choice. I looked. And it was worse than I ever could have imagined. My little boy’s beautiful, angelic face was frozen, forever, into a grotesque death mask…

THE LOST GIRLS

Jami Goldman is 21 years old and still trusting enough to think most people are on her side. She’s also a double amputee who is now in the midst of a court fight with the state of Arizona that will determine the future course of her life. For two days…

THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED

There are some things that you have a right to believe will never happen to you, particularly if you are a Pop Warner mother. Pop Warner mothers are selfless creatures who chauffeur their kids around to endless football and cheerleading practices. Who sit in the stands of too many games…

ESCORTED INTO TEMPTATION

The purpose of a law enforcement sting is to put a buxom topless dancer on the lap of a sex-starved man to see if he’ll get an erection. State Senator Leo Corbet went bull-goose tumescent when the state Attorney General’s Office did the nasty hula in front of his lusting…

GIVE MARMIE THE HEAVE-HO

I went out to Sun Devil Stadium on Saturday and Sunday to get a firsthand look at Arizona’s two professional teams. The big difference is that the Phoenix Cardinals make more money than the Sun Devils. They also seem to enjoy themselves more, too. Both Arizona State and the Cardinals…

PROPOSITION ME!

Everywhere I go recently, people ask: “Cap’n Dave, what’s the deal with the election this year?” They are referring to the fact that this upcoming vote is a mind bender. In addition to the usual nagging responsibility of doofus-selection for all the high offices, we’ve also got about a dozen…

LET’S MAKE A DEAL MAKER

One candidate for governor favored dramatic increases in funding for education, while his opponent didn’t. Otherwise, the two men differed little on the issues. The pundits lamented that the race deteriorated into a “beauty contest.” A newspaper described it this way: “In their bid for office, the men crossed and…

STATON V. WOODSTHE MUD MAY FLY, BUT IT SURE DON’T STICK

No candidate this year–with the notable exception of Evan Mecham–has been the target of more questions about his integrity, honor and past actions than Grant Woods, Republican candidate for attorney general. Each time Woods begins to build a substantial lead in the polls, another face from his past surfaces to…

UNDRESS FOR SUCCESSPARR GOES VIDEO TO REVIVE SAGGING UNDERWEAR BIZ

“I don’t care what you do. I don’t mind any bare buns but I didn’t want any swingin’ frontal shots. Just remember that we’re in the underwear business, not the pornography business.” Or so Phoenix jockmeister Dan Martin said several months ago when he gave a Hollywood producer carte blanche…

CITY MUSEUM ON HOLD

The bad word from city officials just about broke the hearts of Bobbie O’Haver and others affiliated with downtown’s Arizona Museum: If the Phoenix City Council goes along with a staff recommendation at its October 30 meeting, the museum likely will be stuck in its high-crime neighborhood until at least…

EXPLAINING THE PROPS

This is a package deal. Prop 105 would amend the Arizona Constitution to eliminate the right of one motorist to sue another for damages in most circumstances. Prop 203 implements the “no-fault” plan, which is touted as “consumers’ choice.” A no-fault “personal protection” policy would provide coverage of $15,000 for…

IN THE LONG TRADITION OF CORPORATE SPOKESMEN, SAY HELLO TO JOE

It’s easy to cuss the Arizona Corporation Commission. The name is so depressingly bureaucratic most people don’t even know what it means. And when they find out what the commission does, setting utility rates in this state, the bile automatically starts to rise. Who can forget that Arizona Public Service…

THE NO-FAULT CONYOU’LL BE SQUEEZED BY THE GOOD HANDS

On the telephone, Betty Tamisiea doesn’t sound angry. She speaks softly, as if embarrassed to utter words that she knows will later appear in a newspaper. Maybe she is simply nervous because she has never spoken to a reporter before, or because there are two public-relations specialists “on her side”…

DAIRY TALE THEATREFAIRGOERS FLOCK TO IOWA HOUSEWIFE’S MOO-ABLE FEAST

As she puts the finishing touches on a life-size replica of a Holstein sculpted from over 400 pounds of dairy spread, Norma “Duffy” Lyon knows exactly which side her breed is buttered on. “I consider myself a dairy farmer’s wife first,” announces the 61-year-old Toledo, Iowa, housewife as she smoothes…

BENCH THIS UTILITY MAN

Mormon missionaries do not roar through neighborhoods astride Harley Davidsons, sporting fade haircuts and M.C. Hammer bloomers. Instead, these earnest young men invariably try to convert you by arriving at your residence atop sensible Schwinns, wearing black pants, white shirts and “Hi, your daughter and your soul are safe with…