More hot nurses that CNA copped from the U.K.’s Sun tabloid. Anyone doubting the Heart Attack Grill’s triumphant victory over the forces of political correctness as led by the speech police at the Maryland-based Center for Nursing Advocacy should check out the updates at HAG’s website. The page touts recent…
A common bedbug, Cimex lectularius, perhaps munchin’ out on Alison Trainer’s ass? When I first read this story online, I thought it said that Oprah got bedbugs from Paris Hilton. Then I stopped eating my toejam and reread it, “Opera singer sues Hilton claiming bedbugs attacked her.” Seems the opera…
http://www.danacarvey.net/ “Former President Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves. He was delicious.” I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see an ex-Prez get planted. Despite the nonstop eulogizing that has gone on for the last week, the ceaseless yapping about how Ford was a decent guy, and gosh-darnit,…
Yo, Lani, got a last-minute Xmas gift for ya… What pisses me off more than PHX light-rail construction, Mayor Phil “I’m a Pissant” Gordon, and the fact that most P-town restaurants close before 10pm? Answer: Tards who write me letters calling me a cross between Satan and Sasquatch, while using…
Heh, not every gal has one of these… No surprise that this week’s issue of the PHX gay-lesbian rag Echo includes a news story on the feud between Tom Anderson of Anderson’s Fifth Estate and local “diversity activist” Michele De Lafreniere. Nor was it a surprise that Echo essentially echoed…
Fernwood 2Nite’s Barth Gimble (Martin Mull, left) and Jerry Hubbard (Fred Willard, right). Think Greg Patterson’s a fan? How do you know when someone’s brain has been gnawed away by provincialism? I’m not talking about reporting or discussing local events, restaurants, bars, happenings, etc. All of that’s fair game, whether…
Can someone cue Billy Idol’s “Dancing with Myself,” please? This is so amazingly retarded that I couldn’t leave it alone. According this dumbass website, today is Global Orgasm Day, wherein everyone on Earth’s supposed to have an orgasm, think about world peace, and somehow make the world a better place…
Enter Flynt, and the crowd roars, “Lar-ry, Lar-ry!” A spontaneous chant, full of the sort of her0-worship normally reserved for the likes of Jerry Springer or Howard Stern: “Lar-ry, Lar-ry!” That’s how the 200 men and women attending the grand opening of Tempe’s brand-spankin’ new Hustler Hollywood store last night…
www.ashestoportraits.com Dead Ringer: Er, for Paul Giamatti’s Harvey Pekar in American Splendor, perhaps? I’m not sure what’s creepier about this Ashes to Portraits website, the fact that they’re actually mixing human cremains (i.e., cremated remains) into oil-based paint and using it to depict a lost loved one, or the site’s…
Katt Sandwich: from left, the booful Lena Smith, Katt “Money Mike” Williams, and the stunning Vivian Ware of UrbanAz.com. So Luenell, how is Borat in the sack? The Black Sinatra: Wanna hear a few bars of “Sweet Child O’ Mine”? If Jesse Jackson had been on hand for Katt Williams’…
Polyg Pope Warren Jeffs, Prez of the FLDS Jane Doe is big news today. She’s the gal, now 20, who’s pointing the finger in what’s sure to be the most significant polygamist prosecution case in a generation. Prosecutors in Washington County, Utah allege that polyg pope Warren Jeffs, head of…
Thanks, KKKramer! Nothing like a lil’ racism to boost sales. See what race-baiting does? You get caught on a cell-phone camera yelling the N-word at audience members, and suddenly your DVD sales are up 75%. That’s the deal with season seven of Seinfeld post Kramer freak-out, and it’s one reason…
www.fermier.com Christopher Gross: What’s in a name? Check out what Maricopa County’s Environmental Services had to say about much-ballyhooed Frenchified grub-shack Christopher’s Fermier Brasserie last month on November 21: “Sufficient water supply not available”; and, “Sewage present in establishment.” No wonder the inspector immediately suspended Christopher’s license to operate, shutting…
www.tempe12.com This Tempe 12 squalie earns an A+, though not all do. OK, so this is basically a made-up controversy that would hardly be worth blogging about if it were not for all the hot chicks involved. Seems the owners of Tempe 12, a business that produces calendars of college…
www.onewordlong.com Ryan Avery: Man-Child in the Promised Land… Nothing steamrolls over one’s enemies like success. And as sure as the moon is pockmarked like Artie Lange’s buttcheeks, I can promise you that pudgy performance-artist/rocker Ryan Avery will one day be trading quips with Conan O’Brien while the limp-dicks at AZPunk.com…
William “Fucking” Reed: His middle name ain’t “Fucking” for nothin’. We at the New Times, being the bad boys (and girls) of journalism, want to reward those at Get Out attempting to breathe some life into that moribund institution. Why? Well, because we know G.O.’s editors are generally a buncha…
www.eastvalleytribune.com The Trib’s not-so-edgy Get Out, pulled for “fucking.” Quiz time, ladies and germs: What old Anglo-Saxon word just cost the East Valley Tribune (owned by Freedom Communications, Inc.) $12,000? Here’s a clue: it rhymes with schmuck, and only a schmuck would pay $12K for it. I’m talking about the…
www.venganza.org Blessed be his holy name… News Flash, Friends and Fiends of the Feathered Bastard: Though I’ve heretofore self-pigeonholed myself as an agnostic with pro-atheist leanings, I’ve recently received a vision, and am now declaring myself a holy Imam in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Henceforth, before I…
Keep your effin’ religion to yourself, no matter what it is… Ever since US Airways kicked six Muslim religious leaders off a flight bound for Phoenix, I’ve had a lot of fun watching various wing-nuts chastise the imams for praying a little too loudly and obviously to Allah. Rib-ticklin’ stuff,…
from CNA’s web site, Sandy Summers, eat your heart out… Of this week’s Bird items, the one closest to my evil lil’ cardiac muscle is the victory over the forces of political correctness by “Dr. Jon” Basso owner of Tempe’s Heart Attack Grill, where artery clogging ground round is served…
Photograph from Pink Box (Abrams Books). � Joan Sinclair Another satisfied customer… This past Sunday afternoon prior to climbing in the car for the six hour trek back to P-town, I enjoyed a satisfying nosh at Little Tokyo’s Curry House at Weller Court, then waddled over to the Kinokinuya Japanese…
Santa feels your pain… The problem with Xmas, as I see it, is that I’d rather just keep my money and buy myself whatever the fuck I want. But we’re not allowed to do that. Even if you’re born Jewish, Muslim, agnostic or atheist, your chances of escaping the clutches…
