My favorite nickname for breasts is “begonias.” My least favorite is “pimples.” Rounding out my top 10 are “umlauts,” “sweater puffs,” “kettle drums,” “ottomans,” “waldos,” “earmuffs,” “eggplants,” “angelfood,” “Mrs. Doubtfires,” “thingamajigs,” “squirt guns,” “milk shakes,” “mushmelons,” “schooners,” “jiggly bits,” “floats” and, although it has lost some luster with overuse, “hooters.”…
The Spike is no judge. The Spike is only an arbiter, an ambassador, a weapons inspector. But you readers decided to write like a pack of damn dirty apes. A quiet little contest offering small bits of South African gold turned into a major pain in the butt because you…
Master Plan Code warrior: I’m glad someone is finally giving the issue of building codes some attention (“Code Squawkers,” Amy Silverman, March 6). I have worked in this industry for the past 15 years, first as a designer and now as a plans examiner. I have had the pleasure of…
It’s midnight on a Friday as a limousine pulls up to Ain’t Nobody’s Bizness, a gay club on Indian School Road. Four corseted women in satin gloves, glittery go-go boots and fur coats emerge from the stretch. With deliberate grace, they strut sensuously toward the entrance. Their makeup is heavy…
For our recent arrivals, a summary of big stories, events and news you can use from your home state. CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES The L.A. Times reports that District Attorney Steve Cooley let the Newhall Land & Farming Co. off the hook after he bungled an investigation into the rich developing…
In a legal maneuver apparently designed to honor yours truly while offering up a barrel of fish for shooting, stunningly shameless attorneys for Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio filed a motion in U.S. District Court to prohibit anyone involved in a pending civil case against the sheriff’s office from speaking…
Phoenix has long been considered a developer’s paradise. But a proposal making its way quickly through City Hall would make life hell, say homebuilders, architects and other members of the development community. As early as next month, Phoenix could become the first major city in the country to adopt a…
Little Lives Evaluating CPS: Thanks to Amy Silverman for another great article on child welfare (“Heaven Help the Child,” February 27). She deserves a prize for helping children with her articles. There are two important statements that will stand out to those of us advocating for system changes: “Mang saw…
2003 is shaping up to be the Year of the Child in Arizona. But don’t expect the lives of the state’s children to get any better. It’s only February, and already Governor Janet Napolitano has created a Children’s Cabinet. State legislators have formed a Children’s Caucus. Maricopa County Attorney Rick…
It’s time to break out the pompoms and work on your beer gut, because baseball is back. It is spring training. The time when it is not uncommon to run into a major league baseball player at Safeway. The Spike has been depressed ever since the Arizona Diamondbacks’ postseason was…
Thank God The End is finally at hand. So many tent-show preachers talking the talk, so few evildoers and deities walking the walk. We were beginning to lose faith in the readable parts of the New Testament. After all, we’ve clearly always been partial to the rantings of Crazy John…
I’m looking through the Arizona Capitol Times for some reason, and I see a listing for a legislative House bill that reads: HB 2161 Sports Officials: Assault. Hmm. Sounds like a protected-class issue. Reading on: “HB2161: Assault on a referee, umpire or other sports official engaged in official duties is…
Responsible Behavior Therapeutically speaking: As the pedophile subject of Susy Buchanan’s “Very Bad Thoughts” article (February 6), I’d like to reply to some of the letters published in New Times. I am not seeking sympathy from people. My desire is to point out the complete lack of preventive programs available…
Teenagers are notoriously bad drivers. One out of every three teen drivers will be involved in a collision in the first year after obtaining driver’s licenses, and many will die, according to national traffic safety statistics. So many, in fact, that auto accidents are the number-one killer of teenagers in…
Charlie Collins wouldn’t shut up about how much he hates Mexicans. A crowd within the crowd at Patriots Square Park downtown was gathering around and jeering him, despite the fact that he held a placard telling George W. Bush to: “Go Straight to Hell Instead of Iraq.” The 59-year-old Tucson…
Last year, a Toronto-based video game developer phoned an old pal of his in Scottsdale, Jim Perkins, with a hell of an idea. “John Walsh of Groove Games asked me, What do you think of publishing a Playboy game?'” recalls Perkins, president and chief operating officer of ARUSH Entertainment, which…
Bad Religion God forsaken: When will people understand that there is proof that the various religions are just so much made-up bull designed to explain our situation here on this planet and a way to assuage our guilt as humans for being such assholes (“Peace-Monger,” Tony Ortega, February 13)? The…
Chuck Carlson stands in front of Calvary Community Church holding the sort of sign you’d expect to see at confrontations outside abortion clinics. “PRO-LIFE,” the placard reads in bold red and blue letters on a white background. Carlson appears hopelessly out of place. He’s picketing a church that is home…
School district officials and consultants have a warning for the young families buying up houses in the new developments ringing the Valley: Don’t expect a neighborhood school for your kids. Double sessions, packed classrooms and long bus rides will be a reality in the not-so-distant future if laws for finding…
The cynicism oozing from some members of the legal community about how juries really work was palpable at the Arizona Supreme Court on January 31. The occasion was a meeting of the effusively titled “Arizona Supreme Court Committee on the More Effective Use of Juries,” which first convened in 2001…
A few days before a Maricopa County jury deliberated the fate of Ahwatukee salesman Brian Eftenoff in March 2001, he had this to say for himself: “I can’t see how they can find me guilty beyond a reasonable doubt of anything, because I didn’t do anything.” The panel, however, begged…
The Spike was a good kid this week. The Spike didn’t drive drunk. Didn’t steal anything. Didn’t urinate in public. The Spike didn’t even kill anyone. Although The Spike certainly thought about it when the very slick press kit from the State of Arizona’s new CounterActs campaign arrived in its…
