The Bird’s been crowin’ like a rooster after an all-nighter in the henhouse over the spanking Scottsdale voters gave the pro-Proposition 401 crowd on September 12. The absurd anti-lap-dance law bit the canvas like a bum boxer, with 52 percent of the electorate essentially telling Mayor Mary Manross and the…
I am a gabacho who is dating a spicy little seorita. We’re going to Mexico so I can meet her father and his side of the family. I’m a rather alto y flaco fellow, and I wasn’t blessed with the dark complexion Mexicans enjoy. I speak some Spanish, but what…
Saviorman Keep your eyes on the road: My daughter, who’s an ASU student, read your cartoon story on Jesus as an illegal immigrant to me while we drove from Tempe to Paradise Valley (“The Passion of El Cristo,” Jim Mahfood and Stephen Lemons, September 14). I can tell you we…
James Mullins is talking for the first time publicly about why he confessed — falsely — to killing a 19-year-old woman in Tempe a year ago. His case made headlines for days this summer after Phoenix police revealed a link between the so-called Baseline Killer and the September 2005 shooting…
A conservative pro-life organization at Arizona State University, best known for displaying 18-foot, graphic images of aborted fetuses on the campus mall last spring, is suing ASU for requiring the group to pay an insurance fee before the exhibit, claiming the charge violates its First Amendment rights. If this case…
Starring: Jesus Cristo as Himself Danny DeVito as God, a.k.a. “Big Poppa” Sheriff Joe Alzheimer’s and his deputized Posse of Alter Kockers Senator Jon Kyl as “Satan” Redneck Minutemen Loads of Illegal Immigrants Mayor Phil “I know I look dark, but I swear I’m not a Beaner” Gordon as Judas…
Are the Navajo Nation and the Nation of Islam goin’ on the warpath together? That’s the scenario this carping canary initially imagined when it heard that none other than part-time south Phoenix resident Minister Louis “Lightning Rod” Farrakhan addressed the Navajo Nation Council at Window Rock, the Navajo capital. Farrakhan,…
I see Jews, Asians and Persians making something of themselves and conducting safe, walkable communities. Of course they’re not perfect, but I don’t see high Jew-crime communities, either. I see these people sticking together and helping each other out instead of envying their own. Why can’t Mexicans get their act…
Sentence Fragment Criminal element: I read the article on Dan Coleman, and I’m completely disgusted that this man has never been prosecuted (“Killer Candidate,” Sarah Fenske, September 7). On May 14, 2006, my sister, Nicole Traxler, was murdered in her home by a convicted felon who was released from prison…
Three years ago, Dan Coleman shot his girlfriend’s sister point-blank in the face with a .38. She died that night, and within a week, he was charged with first-degree murder. And so it is more than a little odd that Dan Coleman is now having lunch at Macayo’s in downtown…
“Don’t portray us as a bunch of wackos,” 9/11 “truth” activist Kent Knudson warned this Walter Winchell of warblers during a recent interview. “We have our facts. We have evidence. We have witnesses. The government has nothing.” Nothing but, like, some science ‘n’ stuff. Knudson’s one of the main wacktivists…
Grime Is the Word Times, they are a-changin’: New Times, you really know how to ruin my day! First I read longtime investigative reporter John Dougherty’s piece about how he will no longer be turning over rocks and looking under them in Phoenix (“Vaya Con Dios,” August 31), and then…
My gabacha friends and I marched in the May pro-amnesty rallies and wanted to show our support on our chests as well as our feet. We wore tee shirts that read, “I only (picture of big, juicy lips) mojados” on the front, and “Yo solo (lips) mojados” on the back…
“They killed Malcolm, Martin, Guevara, Lennon, Marley, Pac, Biggie, Tookie, Jam Master Jay, John F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Fred Hampton, Huey Newton, and even God’s son too/So fuck the Bible, I get my basic instruction from Sun Tzu.” Onstage at the infamous Club Congress in Tucson last April, a DJ…
The Bird chortled its freakin’ tail feathers off the other day watching Arizona’s daily press get played like a $2 harmonica by billionaire hucksters Peter and Harry Morton, and their PR butt boy Jason Rose, who by now should have about the same aura of believability as the kid who…
We set off minutes after dawn to begin our descent down the North Kaibab Trail and into the depths of the Grand Canyon. I have lived in Arizona for 32 years and never hiked to the bottom of the canyon, let alone rim-to-rim. Now was the time — in the…
I heard that Mexicans at an Orange County candy factory think they saw the Virgin Mary in a pile of melted chocolate. Why do Mexicans always see the Virgin Mary in the stupidest things? Non-Believer Beaner Dear Wab: It’s not just Mexicans who find the Holy Mother in weird places…
Kvetching About J.D. Admiring Ford: I’m certainly no fan of Congressman J.D. Hayworth. I hope that he gets unseated in the next election, for sure! But I couldn’t agree more with The Bird when he called out the Jewish News of Greater Phoenix for blasting Hayworth’s admiration of Henry Ford…
What the Flock Acting the part: Capstone Cathedral’s former pastor Neal Frisby was never a pastor to his congregation (“The Frisby Legacy,” Sarah Fenske, August 17). He would just show movies of himself and keep the church dark so no one could read the Bible or check him in a…
On a Saturday night in mid-July, the Paper Heart is in a groovy time warp. Tonight is the second evening of a special two-day celebration of Russ Meyer’s 1970 cult classic movie Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, which chronicles the chaotic rise and fall of a fictional female rock…
So I’m minding my own business, lounging in my triple-XL Underoos, crunchin’ on a big bowl of Cocoa Puffs and watching a rerun of the Squidbillies that I’d taped off Adult Swim, when the PHX’s Zooey Deschanel checks in with me via land line. “Hey, Kreme, whatcha doin’?” queries the…
What’s with Mexican-Americans who live in New Mexico claiming they’re Spanish and not Mexican? Many actually get angry and combative if you ask them if they’re Mexican. But if you look at them, they look more Indian than Spanish! Why have so many developed a deep-seated embarrassment of who they…
